Discovering Happiness

Let me start off by saying this post is not meant to gain sympathy. It simply is what it is.

It has taken me my entire life to discover true happiness. It seems that past events in my life that should have made me happy just didn't. I know why that is, but I'm not going to go into it today. Now, don't get me wrong...I've experienced joy in life, but nothing like I've felt since I've moved to my little cabin nestled deep in the woods. About a year ago, I was playing frisbee in the backyard with my daughter and husband. Our dog, Karma was running from family member to family member, while Trixie (the dog that literally came with the house) watched from her hiding place among the trees. The weather was warm, but not hot and the sky was clear. And I remember taking in the experience, feeling so full emotionally, and thinking, "For the first time in my life, I'm really happy." I guess by that thought, I should have been instantly sad, but I wasn't. I'm still not upset by that thought because I know that even though it took me 31 years to feel that, my life hasn't been wasted. I've learned a lot for someone my age, and I'm sure that the events that have unfolded in my life have been for a particular reason. Just don't ask me what the specific reason is...that lesson hasn't been revealed to me just yet.

I took today off of work. It was the last day for students, and I just didn't want to be there. Thursday is my official last day of school and then my summer begins. We're having some friends over tomorrow to celebrate the end of another school year, so Lilac Rain and I did some cleaning. Today was one of those days that really made me happy. I was doing dishes, and Lilac Rain asked if she could help clean. I made her a bucket of warm water, vinegar, and a few drops of essential lemon oil so she could wash the fronts of the cabinets. As I was doing the dishes, I looked down at my daughter and was so happy to be sharing the moment with her. We were singing along with our newest Wilco CD, laughing, splashing water, and just having fun talking about our summer plans. I know it sounds cheesey, but we had a ball. Who knew that cleaning could be so much fun?